Eventful

Things have been quite eventful recently. Christopher applied for a job and was offered it the other day, meaning that he'll be moving up here permanently. It's so strange to think that I'm living with him now. It still feels like he'll be going back to England and I'll have to wait for months to see him again. Thinking back to a couple of months ago, I really didn't think this would happen.

We're going on holiday on Saturday to Loch Ness for just under a week. It'll be nice to get away from the island for awhile until Christopher starts work in July. We're going to go for lots of walks, take pictures and eat pub food. We'll be staying in a log cabin, which I'm really looking forward to!

I'm going to get the implant tomorrow. Normally I wouldn't talk about this sort of thing however I'm really not looking forward to it. I've never been keen of the idea of having something put under my skin. The thought of it makes me shiver...

I've been obsessed with Smite and Fallout: New Vegas recently, and I've spent far too much of my free time playing them. I even spent over £100 on Smite in the last two months. Cupid FTW!

Christopher and I are back onto our healthy lifestyle and exercise routine, so hopefully in a month or so, we'll really notice the difference. Starting to exercise again after a long time not doing it is really tough and I've lost a lot of my fitness however I need to keep it going.

We went out for a meal on Friday at the Crown Hotel to celebrate Christopher and Kev getting their new jobs, which was lovely. I had a burger and then banoffee Belgium waffles for desert. Yum!

Things are finally starting to settle down and I feel great.

Testing out my new camera lens

I forgot that I had a camera lens that my granddad gave me last year, which has been stored away ever since then under my bed. The weather was gorgeous, so Christopher and I spent the evening out by the sea with the dogs, taking lots of photos. 

The Braighe

Update

For the first time in a long time, the sun was finally out. I've been feeling quite tired recently, so the sunshine was much needed. Trying to keep up the motivation of exercising every day and eating healthily has proven difficult for the past two weeks. I need to get back on it. 

Christopher has been here for a week now. He arrived on the Thursday, 29th at 8:00 pm. We've been pretty lazy by playing games, cuddling, eating junk food and sleeping but it's been so fun. He downloaded lots of Nintendo 64 games, so we've been playing them on the laptop with an emulator and Xbox controllers. Currently I'm playing The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, which is awesome! He arrived with lots of gifts for me... he spoils me! He bought me a cookie monster t-shirt, lots of sweets and crisps, Fallout: New Vegas because I mentioned to him that I wanted to play it. He also got me two double cheeseburgers and an apple pie from McDonald's, only because I nagged him about it for weeks before he came up. I've had a surprise for him for weeks, which has been so difficult to not tell him. So finally being able to give him the surprise was so exciting! I bought him and I a Death Note each, the whole Death Note manga Black Edition books as well as his favourite Harribo Peaches sweets. So with our Death Notes and our Death Note t-shirts, we'll look awesome!

It was our one month yesterday, so we spend the day relaxing and we had a takeaway, bought lots of snacks and ended up playing some drinking games. I'm truly enjoying all my time with Christopher, and it's going to be so hard to say goodbye to him. Luckily he'll be here for another couple of weeks, and then we'll go down to England for my pre birthday celebrations! I'm so excited! :D 

Motivation

My birthday is still just over a month away but we're already starting to plan for it and I'm so excited! Christopher will be coming up to visit next Thursday (23rd) for a couple of weeks and he'll be coming back down to England with us the week before my birthday. My Nana is going to contact the photographer, so hopefully I'll be able to get my photos done. Christopher has been buying my birthday presents already and I think he's more excited about my birthday than I am! I can't believe I'm going to be 21 next month. 

Christopher and I have started watching Death Note and I LOVE it. I'm so stubborn about watching or starting new things and I decided in my head that I wouldn't like it, so I haven't watched it until now. I've heard so many great things about it but I didn't believe it until now. It's definitely in my top 10 anime's! I have spent far too much money already on some of the merchandise. I've got an "L" t-shirt and Christopher has got a white "Death Note" t-shirt. We're going to be the coolest couple ever! (Well, so we think.)

After my breakup, I've been a lot more determined to exercise and it's finally starting to pay off. I feel so much better in myself and have gained a lot more confidence. I promised to push myself more and do things that I haven't had the confidence to do before. Now that I've lost a lot more weight, I am slowly starting to show my legs and arms more, plus I'm wearing more fitted clothing. For most of my life, I have never had the confidence to do that, so it's such an accomplishment for me. I'm so happy!

Thanks to Christopher and exercise, I feel like a new person. I can't be happier with my progress at the moment, and I'm determined to keep this going.

Changes

So many things have happened in such a short amount of time. Where do I begin...

Christopher asked me out! I was worried about getting into a relationship again as I'm still trying to get over my previous one, however he makes me happy and he is the reason why I don't want to go back to Albin. Christopher knows that it will take time, but I want to move on and he is the one I want to move on with. So as of the 29th March, I am officially his girlfriend. It's crazy to think that as I've had a crush on him since I was 13 and all I've ever wanted was to have a chance with him. I was crazy about him for most of my teen years, and I'd get so excited when I thought of the possibility of being with him. The thought of it was just too perfect. We've known each other since we were babies, our families know each other and are friends. As I've got to know him properly, I've realised how amazing he actually is. He is the most caring and loving guy who has the same interests as me. He makes me feel whole again. I have so much more motivation and strength because of him. I don't think I'll ever be this lucky again. When I saw him last year at Claire's wedding, I remember just looking at him, wishing that he would look at me. And now he does... 

Christopher has also spoilt me for Easter! The first present to arrive was a lovely card, which nearly made me cry. The second one was some gorgeous flowers, and the third arrived today which was two of my favourite chocolate eggs, with my favourite Guylian Belgian Chocolate Seashells. I've had three days of presents... I really am the luckiest girl in the world!!!

Today was my Grandma's birthday, and we took her out for some vintage afternoon tea at the Park Guest House & Restaurant. There were all sorts of cute little sandwiches and cakes on the table. It was a very lovely experience. I managed to get tipsy off half a glass of Prosecco for the first time in my life and as soon as I got home, I fell asleep for a couple of hours. 

I now have my first ever hangover. I have a headache, my eyes are hurting, I feel sick, I'm so thirsty and I have a horrible taste in my mouth. This is why I don't drink. 

Bedding and Exercise

Things are finally starting to get a lot easier, and I'm a lot happier for it. I've made some small changes in my life, and already I feel so much more positive. I'm exercising a lot more, eating more healthily and I'm rarely on the PC. I have a lot of things to organise and plan before my trip to England! I'm booking my driving lessons soon and I've decided that I will do a photography course in college, which I'm so excited about. It's only been about two months and already I feel like a different person. 

I managed to spend £230.50 on bedding and curtains on Tuesday. It's nice how small things like that can change the whole look of a room. The room is a lot lighter and more modern. It's like a hotel! 

I've been thinking about what I should do for my 21st birthday, and I've decided that I would like to get some professional photos done of me. I've been following this photographer who lives in Wellingborough for over a year and her work is absolutely fantastic. If I can get some photos done by her, I will be so incredibly happy. I'll need to buy a new outfit for the photo shoot, plus get my hair and make-up done professionally so it'll be quite expensive. Totally worth it!

I can't wait to go down to England and see all of my friends and family. I was thinking of staying for a month, rather than a week or two so that I can spend more time with them. Christopher and I have a deal that if I can manage to do one proper push up, he will buy me a kebab (haha). I'm really looking forward to seeing him, as the last time I saw him was at the wedding. I also have my day with Jordan to look forward to. It'll be our late Valentine's Day treat to each other. I'm so excited! 

Today we found out that Stuart Cripple died. Rest in peace, little guy. :( 16/02/15 - 28/03/15 

Be strong

I finally said goodbye to Albin on Friday and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I know that I wasn't with him for long, but I truly did love him and I really hoped that I would be with him for a long time. I've given up hope that he will come back and try to fight for my love. It's hard to say goodbye, but I need to be strong. I've got other people in my life that deserve my time and attention, and it's time to give them what they deserve.

I'm planning on going to England in April and/or for my birthday. If I can meet up with Jordan and Christopher, I'll be really happy. It's definitely something to look forward to! :)

I'm thinking of taking some dance classes, and to take up the violin and piano again. I'm bored and I'd love to take up some old hobbies. I still have my piano at home, but I can't find my old violin so I'll have to buy another one... it's time to spend my money that I had saved up on things that will make me happy. 

Everything is changing at home, and I really need to move out of here. I love my great grandma, but the whole house is turning into a retirement home. Life at home is incredibly stressful, and I don't know if I can cope any more.

I was up all last night with Christopher, playing Fable III. I'm bored of World of Warcraft and I barely play it now and I'm really considering quitting altogether. I'm just waiting for the spazmong to wake up, so we can carry on playing Fable III. UGH. I'M SO IMPATIENT.

It's time to start again

It's been awhile since I last made a post so I thought it was about time to make an update.

Things have been getting slightly easier after my break up. My appetite is finally coming back and I'm not nearly as stressed as I was before. I've started my healthy eating and exercise again, which is really helping with my motivation. I'm trying to leave my comfort zone a bit more with certain things, to help with my self confidence. I finally plucked up the courage and went for the pink ombre. I was nervous about it at first, but I absolutely love it. It's made me realise that taking risks isn't so bad, because sometimes it can become something positive. Through all of the heartbreak, I know that I'm not alone. My friends have been so amazing to me, and I really don't know what I'd do without them. They're helping me remember what it's like to laugh and smile again. I haven't had this much fun in a long time. 

I'm slowly gaining my strength back, and I'm starting to let go of the pain. I still have my off days, and I find myself thinking about the past, but the pain of it is slowly starting to disappear, either that or it's been long enough to forget what it was like. Charlie hasn't been very well recently and he fainted on his walk this morning, so I've been worried sick about him. He's been to the vets and they've taken a blood test, and given him some new antibiotics. I really hope he gets better soon.

The weather is starting to improve which is good because the sunny weather has been much needed. I spent the other day lying in the sun, listening to relaxing music. I forgot what it was like to smile, and now that it's coming back, I feel this warmth in my chest. 

It's time to concentrate on me now, and make myself feel better. New hair colour, new perfume, new glasses, new outlook on life... it's time to build myself again, and become someone who no one will want to ever let go. 

Heartbreak

On the 1st of February 2015, my relationship ended.

He puts the blame on me, and says that I've created a monster, but he has been this monster long before I arrived. It was always deep inside of him, and now he's just letting it go. I still believe he is a good person, but I can't carry on trying to be with someone who is fine with hurting me. I put my trust in him, and believed what he promised me. I don't regret falling in love with him and I only hope that one day he will look back and see that the mistake he made was hurting me and leaving me. I know that I wasn't perfect, but all I did was love him. I would have stuck by him through everything. He believes that I made him feel bad every day by bringing up problems all the time, but the main problem was him. He couldn't show me affection and love on a daily basis, but the times that he did, I was so incredibly happy, so I tried so hard to bare with it. He couldn't see what he was doing wrong. I spent all of my time thinking that it was my fault, and that I was the problem. I was putting myself through pain trying to carry on with the relationship, but I did it for him. I just need to be strong, and know that it wasn't all my fault.

All I can do is be myself, and find someone who truly deserves my love.

I just wish it was him... for now.


Goodbye, my "little Swedish boy."

"18/07/2014 22:02:45: Babbss: Ye, and I'm sorry, I'm a fucking idiot sometimes... Most of the times, I can't even see how much you do for me, and I'm just a blind idiot...

18/07/2014 22:06:57: Babbss: So don't think you are aweful, you are the opposite..."

We were both blind idiots.

It's been awhile

I think things are finally on the mend. I've been so stressed and have had a lot on my mind, but everything is getting a little bit easier. I had a meeting on the 16th regarding my lessons, which has been constantly getting postponed due to the bad weather etc and I'll be going back to "school" on Wednesday. I'm quite nervous to get back into studying again, but it'll be good. By the end of this year, I should have a National 4 in Maths!

I watched "The Interview" with Albin the other day, and it's brilliant. It's definitely one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. The only problem is that both him and I can't stop singing "Firework" by Katy Perry. 

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again? Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin, like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

Today has been the first day where seeing Albin next month feels more real. There's been talk of flight costs, and it's ridiculous how expensive things are if you don't book in advance! This could all end up being extremely expensive, but it's so worth it. I have never wanted to be with someone so much in my life, and I will spend all the money I have just to be with him. 

I just need to keep moving forward, a step and day at a time. 

New Year's resolutions

I've made the decision to be strong this year, to continue on my journey and face whatever comes my way. The road may be long and have many turns, but I will get to my destination. No matter how long it takes. Throughout my life, this road has been nothing but turns and sharp corners, and just when I think I'm in the clear with a straight patch, there's a sharp bend. But that's life, right?

I will continue with my studies this year, and I will learn how to drive as soon as possible. I'll also look into the possibility of furthering my photography skills. I will travel more, and I will fill my life with things that I enjoy. It's about time I started my life. I'm done being stuck in the past, and feeling miserable.

I have great friends who I need to put more time into and visit more often. 

It's time to break out of this cage and live. 

"Find someone who makes you realize three things: one, that home is not a place, but a feeling. Two, that time is not measured by a clock, but by moments. And three, that heartbeats are not heard, but felt and shared."